Wanted: ride or die nanny.

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The wealthy or (those who want you to think they’re wealthy) must have the following accessories when residing in Westchester (NY): $900,000+ house, at least 2 luxury vehicles, a kid or two, and a nanny. I’m the fourth accessory. I am the glue which keeps this precious, (sometimes) entitled family together while they navigate stresses of the world such as hair and nail appointments or what drink (or pill) is easily reachable at 1 pm. 

Responsibilities discussed during interview:.
– Get kids to and from activities with family car.
– Make snacks, lunch, and dinner when necessary.
– Arrange playdates and outings.
– Take tiny humans to the park.
– Bathe them
– Wash kid’s laundry
– Keep their room and play area tidy
– Read to them
– Create arts and crafts together
– Love the children

Parents will ask nanny about her salary requirements. Nanny will suggested the current going rate for nannying. Parents will talk it over and accept begrudgingly with a reminder that they feel the rate is a bit much but because they like you, they’ll accept.

Actual Duties once hired:
– Get kids to and from activities with your car and expect no gas allowance.
– Parent approved diet: homemade hummus with gluten-vegan-cruelty free-no bread- bread and milk freshly made from oats, almonds, cashews, and nutshells (which you must grow in their backyard).
– Keep the kid’s area tidy really means: wash parents laundry, clean up the kitchen, load & unload the dishwasher, the family room, dining room, and hallways are technically for the kids too so make sure it’s clean.
– Care for their pets: walk them, feed them, take them to get groomed, stay with them when the family is away and expect zero extra pay.
– Figure out the ins and outs of your role without “bothering” parents.
– Parents telling you they don’t care what you do with the children as long as they’re not bothering them even if that means locking away in the attic during home Zoom work calls.
– Parents will let you know they’ll be late at the exact time you expect them home.
– Nanny is expected to buy groceries and run errands with her own money with keep kids in tow.
– Nanny then spends the next month trying to recoup the money she spent and parents constantly forgetting.

Seems outrageous? Absolutely. Does it happen? Yep.

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